Welcome to Osler’s new website

Welcome to the very first installment of my blog. Let me put it to you guys like this: the wonderful people of the Osler PSO HK, of which I am a member, have graciously granted me the freedom to express myself on a weekly basis in whatever way I see fit on this, our brand new website. So light ‘em if you have ‘em guys and girls, because not even I know where this is going to go. Act surprised!

I could make fun of Eskom, but I think I’ll leave that one in the hands of the professionals. Then there’s Jacob. How can you not take the piss out of that guy? But I’m not even going to bother with him because he’s doing a pretty good job of it himself. So what does that leave me with? Not a whole lot actually. I’ve pretty much moved on from living life as the eternal cynic, seems it’s the new “in” thing these days. Go figure. I’m not really surprised though, because as we all well know, the world at large is a largely screwed up place filled with screwed up people who constantly screw you over. At least we can always count on that one day of good weather, whenever it comes. I’m sure there’s one just around the corner, just wait and see. But don’t hold your breath; apparently you need to breathe to stay alive. Then again…

Well, the new year is now in full swing yet again. And we can expect it to be filled with the ever present torture and torment that life on a medical campus is so well known for. Get your candles ready people, because with the luck that most of us have been graced with, we can expect that all too familiar “load shedding” to happen the night before that big test. I know I said I wasn’t going to go into this whole Eskom thing, but I really couldn’t help myself. It’s called load shedding right? Load shedding for whom? Not for me, I can guarantee you that. Every time the power is out I have to manually open and close my garage. So from my point of view, which I’m sure many of you share with me, it would be more appropriate to call it “loading”. I hate Eskom! OK, enough of that.

Seeing as how the year is just getting underway for the first year’s, I thought it would just be appropriate to make fun of them as has become customary in any and every piece of literature I’ve written over the past few years. That being said, it’s not as easy this year as it has been in the past. Gone are the herds of feminine presence that stampeded through campus, demolishing any testosterone breathing male who dared to stand in their wake. It seems that all those years of bitching and moaning by feminists over gender equality has finally paid off. Or maybe the new generation starting out on our campus is just filled with rather “loose” girls, if you catch my drift. Personally, I think it’s the former. But I leave that judgment in the hands of each and every one of you guys out there who live as if you were God’s gift to woman. Basically, I dare you to try and score a first year. Good luck! I don’t think you’re going to get very far though. I met most of them, so yeah, best of luck boys. Hahahaha!

I know I said I was going to stay true to form and make fun of my all time favourite whipping boys, the first years. But I just can’t do it! I want to, but I can’t. I guess being the HK member in charge of first years gave me a new perspective into the plague that first years have become infamous for over the years. Seriously people, get to know this bunch and you’ll understand where my new found fondness for all things first year stems from. I don’t know what it is about them. Maybe I just couldn’t care less over the last few years and now I do. Not only because I had to but also because, as the marathon that orientation week is ran its course, I found myself caring because I wanted to. If any first years are reading this, thank you. You guys and girls made my week!

Ever noticed how, just when things are looking good, something you ignored over the past few months resurfaces and puts it’s hideously deformed form smack bang in the center of your direct line of sight? Makes you want to vomit, doesn’t it? Like I said before, the world just isn’t a healthy place to find yourself converting oxygen and glucose into ATP for the purpose of living in. On the other hand, it does have some form of a monopoly on where one can find themselves living, so it’s really pointless to waste all this energy sitting here complaining about it. But still I find myself doing it despite this knowledge. Guess I’m still a cynic, and I’ll probably complain that dying sucks as much as living does one day when I finally lose all control over my bladder and bowel functions and need to be fed via a tube, and my vital organs start planning their retirement party and bidding bon voyage to the cruel irony that life always has been. So back to my original thought, demons in the closet. We all have them, and we all wish they would choke to death on a chicken bone so we could just stand there and let all our first aid skills go to waste. I actually have no idea where I’m going to with this; it just came to mind so I said it.

So how should one react to the news that the world just isn’t a really nice place? But on the flipside, who decided that the right way for the world to be is “nice”? I think it’s a damn conspiracy! A conspiracy concocted by a rather expansive consortium of very large gentlemen and really ugly women, who all have nothing better to do other than to convince the more easily impressionable amongst us that “nice” is nice. It makes about as much sense as scraping a piece of chewed gum from under your desk, re-heating it in the microwave, rolling it in some flour and then using it to solve that chemistry equation that has been plaguing you ever since the first day you sat in Chemistry 111.

In closing to this brief summary, which somehow lost all notions of brevity, allow me to shed some light on a rather clouded matter. The world, unfortunately, does NOT belong to you. Not any of you! But who’s to stop you from changing all of that?

Let’s go get cake!